When Love Blinds the Heart: Why We Choose the Wrong Person and Call It Fate

by Maria Alexiadou — Soul Renaissance Coaching

Falling in love feels like the most natural thing in the world. It happens suddenly, without planning or permission. One moment you meet someone and something inside you wakes up. The pulse changes, your world feels brighter, and your logic quietly steps aside.

But sometimes what we call chemistry is not a sign of connection. It is a sign of familiarity — a reflection of something old inside us that feels known, even when it hurts.

We do not always fall in love with who is right for us. We fall in love with who feels recognizable to our wounds.

The illusion of recognition

When we meet someone who mirrors our unmet needs, our nervous system confuses it with destiny.
If, as children, love meant effort or inconsistency, we may be drawn to people who offer exactly that — effort and inconsistency.
If love once came with silence or distance, we might find comfort in emotional unavailability.

It is not weakness. It is wiring.
The body remembers what love used to feel like, not what love should feel like.

This is why some relationships begin with intensity and end in confusion. The fire we feel at first is often not passion but a subconscious attempt to rewrite an old story.

How selfishness clouds our judgment

Selfishness in love is not always loud. It can look like charm, confidence, or the desire to be admired. Sometimes, it hides behind the phrase “I know what I want.”

When we fall for someone who is self-centered, it often awakens our inner rescuer.
We believe that with enough love, understanding, or patience, they will soften.
We think that if we give more, they will finally see us.
But selfishness is not cured by kindness. It is only amplified by it.

The problem is not that we love too much. It is that we hope our love will change someone who does not want to change.

Selfish people often love through possession, not presence. They do not connect; they consume.
They want your energy, not your essence.

And when you start to disappear in order to keep their affection, love turns into survival.

What real love looks like

Real love does not demand constant proving.
It does not need to be chased or translated.
It makes you feel peaceful, not anxious.
It allows you to be yourself without walking on emotional eggshells.

Love is not found in the drama but in the quiet.
It is not in the highs and lows but in the consistency that feels like safety.

Healing the pattern

To stop falling for the wrong person, we must first understand what part of us keeps looking for them.
Ask yourself, What does this familiar pain remind me of?
Which part of me still believes that love must be earned?

Awareness breaks the spell. Once you recognize that attraction is not always truth, you begin to choose differently.

Healing is not about closing your heart. It is about opening it with discernment.

At Soul Renaissance Coaching, we explore these patterns gently but deeply.
Through reflective dialogue and emotional work, clients learn to identify the difference between love and longing, chemistry and compatibility, attraction and repetition.

You learn to love again — this time with both your heart and your awareness.

A quiet reminder

Sometimes we mistake intensity for intimacy.
Real love begins when peace feels more exciting than chaos.

Maria Alexiadou
Certified Life Coach & Mental Health Counselor
Soul Renaissance -Coaching for Greeks Abroad